Some Introspection

Things have been moving along.  I really like this way of eating although sometimes I really want some non-plan food.  Like the pb&j Hubs was eating yesterday looked amazing while I at my grilled chicken and sweet potatoes.

On Saturday I realized that the cashews and macadamias I was eating had been made with peanut oil.

Peanut oil = not Whole30.

So that was pretty rough because I was battling in my head about what I should do: should I start over? What would that mean to start over? Should I not start over? Does that mean I really did a “Whole30”?  I  was really discouraged yesterday. The thought of starting over made me want to cry.  Were my last 12 days wasted?

So after posting something on the Whole9 Forum and getting the opinion of some other friends I’ve decided just to keep going with what I’ve been doing.   I don’t know if I’m going to tack 12 days on to the end of the month, or if I’m going to try the reintroductions at the end of the month. I haven’t decided yet.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about why I reacted the way I did to the peanut oil and I think I realized why:  I like to follow rules. I like to know that I’m doing things correctly.  If I’m honest with myself, I’m one of those people that think if they are just good enough then God will accept them. I know that’s not true; it’s only by God’s grace that I am accepted.  Knowing that the first 12 days weren’t perfect messes with my perfectionism.  Maybe I won’t be able to say that I “did a Whole30” but I’ve made huge steps forward in the way that I eat.  I know I am becoming healthier.

So tonight I made Apple Dijon Burgers but I changed the recipe.  I used ground turkey instead of beef.  I added an egg to the meat mixture (I think it helps them stay together better), and instead of cooking them on the grill (which is packed away for the winter in the shed) I used the cast iron skillet on the stove.  I paired the burgers with some roasted root vegetables which I also changed; I didn’t use carrots, I used a yam. Little bit of oil with some herbs de provence. Yum! They could have been cooked a little longer but they were still good. This was the first time I’ve ever cooked a rutabaga (fun word!) and it turned out well.

I even started prepping for tomorrow’s dinner! I roasted the butternut squash and garlic for the topping of our shepherd’s pie tomorrow.  Now I’ve gotta go drown myself in creating a biology midterm for tomorrow morning.

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A Real Challenge

Today I was really challenged to look at my Whole30 and examine my true motives behind why I am doing it.  Everyday I get a lovely email fromWhole30 Daily that includes tips and encouragement for me. Today the email was about personal assessment. I don’t usually get to read the email until the evening but I took the time this morning before my first class to check it out. I’m glad I did. Sort of.

I’m really good at convincing myself of something and then sticking to it 100%. For example, I have told myself that I can’t have sweets for the month of January, so it’s almost like the cravings aren’t there as much because I’ve so convinced myself that I can’t have them (although Friday after school I had a whirlwind craving for some chocolate).

When I think about how Whole30 is so much more than just changing what you eat (it addresses the emotional and psychological aspect of eating as well), I want to give up.  I mean, honestly if it was just about changing what you eat at your meals it would be super easy:  Buy different food.  Cook different food.  Eat different food. Done.  But it’s not just about buying, cooking, and eating different food.  It’s about changing our emotional attachment to unhealthy foods that promise satisfaction and then fail to deliver.  It’s about changing your palette and improving how your body functions on a day-to-day basis. It’s about the realization that how you were feeling before doesn’t have to be how you feel the rest of your life.  You might not even realize how exactly you are feeling (you’ve felt the same your whole life and it’s always been fine) until you find out how much better you can feel.

It’s so much easier to just eat whatever I want and live with those consequences than it is to fight against myself to change for the better.   I feel like there is a big revelation of something I’m going to have to face right around the corner; I can just feel it looming.

To really get the most out of these 30 days I need to make my Whole30 mine.  Melissa (Hartwig, co-author of It Starts With Food) recently posted on Facebook: “We’ve created the Whole30 with as clear guidelines as possible. We’ve explained our rationale many times, in detail. But ultimately, YOU have to own your program… AND your results.” So my first thought was, “Well, if I make it my own, and decide for myself what’s OK, then I can have more fruit.”   But that would be taking the easy road and that would not help me yield the best possible results.

But that’s not the point!  The point is to follow the guidelines no matter how hard it is because that’s how you’re going to experience real change: physical, emotional, and psychological change.   And it’s going to be hard!!  It’s not an easy thing to change decades of eating habits/emotions/psychological ties in just 30 days (sometimes it takes a Whole45 or Whole60 to really break free).

All this ‘psychological’ talk might make me sound like I’m crazy and need a shrink.  I wish I could detail chapter 4 of It Starts With Food because it explains so clearly  the link between the food we eat and the emotional connections we experience. And why.

I’m really working to figure out the different things I’m feeling: Am I hungry or just bored? Am I hungry or is this a craving (which will pass in 3-5 minutes).  Why do I feel compelled to eat when the bell rings around 3:00 or I get home from school? I know it’s going to be hard to answer these questions and others I don’t even know I have.

On a different note, I made the salmon cakes from the book. They are really good! Still haven’t made the mayo…..